FASCINATION BEYOND CURIOSITY: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

I guess I’ve become one of the obsessed RobSten fans who comb the Internet to follow their activities because even at work, I set aside time for my, hrmm, research-net-surfing pleasure. I didn't know who Robert Pattinson was or Kristen Stewart for that matter until mid January of this year. The first time I heard of Twilight was before the movie came out. My then 13-year old niece bragged about the book and screamed her excitement about the movie that was (then) about to come out. She excitedly summarized the book for me and I, as a doting aunt, listened carefully and pretended to be just as excited as she was. The truth was I was telling myself, “not another vampire movie!” I mean, really? What other premise is there for a vampire book or movie? And what’s so exciting about a vampire falling for a teenage girl? And will there be more gorgeous vamps than Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt? I didn’t think so.

Then, at 2:00AM on January 17, 2010; after talking to my sister over the phone for an hour and a half, I’ve decided to switch to HBO and Twilight was on. I told myself to watch the first part thinking that it will, well, help me fall asleep! And lo and behold! I watched the whole film… rewound, (DVR)… watched it again… and again… at 11am that morning, and again, at 6PM that day, and 1am…. I didn’t just jump in the bandwagon! I THINK I BOUGHT MY OWN TWILIGHT WAGON!

The following day, I went to Borders and bought the books, read the 4 books (hated Eclipse at first) in 6 days. Once I read Breaking Dawn, then I began to appreciate Eclipse. Now I love the series. Stephanie Myer is such a good story teller. I’ve read and re-read the books. I found myself “attuned’ to New Moon. I cried when Edward left Bella. I suffered with Bella. I tasted her pains. I fell in love over and over again when Bella and Edward finally reunited in Italy. I felt the love bursting inside me as I read the words spoken by Edward to Bella when they finally returned to Forks. What a ride! The best ride ever. Eclipse worried me the first time I read it. I thought Stephanie Myer ran out of ideas. And of course, I thought wrong! I laughed and giggled as Bella tried to “seduce” her vampire sweetheart (when Edward “kidnapped” her). I felt young and alive. Which was why I began to start counting days when I saw the Eclipse stills online… I couldn’t wait to see the movie. It’s the first time I’m going to see Twilight on big screen! I can hardly wait! Breaking Dawn was simply magical. Great ending to a great series. The wedding was perfect in spite of Jake’s attitude when he showed up, almost ruining it for Edward and Bella. The sweetest honeymoon ever. It was hot and sexy but in a subtle way. Not as descriptive as romance novelists do in their books; but Stephanie Myer managed to ignite the imagination. Renesmee was a gift in this book. No one could have written these books better than Stephanie Myer. Awesome! (I'm applauding and giving her a standing ovation).

Now why did I love the books so much? I appreciate how it was written. To me, it’s the most romantic story to date. Fast-paced and, I don't care what you say, believable. I was a witness to Bella's love for Edward and to Edward's devotion to Bella. I felt every joy, love, pain, danger, doubt, assurance... It was written for the readers to experience the magic; to know every character in the book. Just when I thought I could never find another book that will stir up my emotions the way Philip Pullman did in his The Amber Spyglass when Will and Lyra, in spite of their great love for each other, had to live apart! I cried so hard while reading the ending of that book. Twilight (all 4 of the books) was another concept of love. The kind that will withstand any storm; no matter the intensity the storm is. It’s the kind of love only a few will experience in their lifetime. It does happen (the love I mean, not vampirism, lol)--- and my hope is that Rob and Kris will have this kind of love to last them to eternity-- in real life, that is...(I’m wishing here, I know!). Thanks Stephanie Myer…

There’s more…. I am such a fan now of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. After watching Twilight twice in a row the first time, I went online, googled them, youtubed them, scanned the twitter world for those messages/posts mentioning either Rob or Kris and both; visited online forums, etc…. My fascination was beyond curiosity. I find Kristen Stewart’s face the most stunning, most gorgeous, most beautiful in the world! She has no bad angle. I don’t care how she wears her hair! Long or chopped; her breathtaking face takes the beating of hairstyling for her movie roles graciously. You can't make this girl unattractive.

Kristen Stewart, to me, epitomizes the definition of beauty and charm! Flawless skin, smoky green eyes, and smile that will outshine the sun (she should smile more often). I found her rather charming in spite of her “hard,” punk-like façade. She uses the words “dude,” “buddy,” “cool chick,” and words that are cool to utter. She is endearing. She does overthink what she’s going to say but that makes her even more fascinating! More human; because she cares about and means what she says. She’s real. She just doest’t blurt out words that people want to hear. She’s in show business but I don’t see her still acting when the movie camera stops rolling. When she avoids to respond to a question, though, she compensates by explaining why; not realizing that she’s actually giving out the response… Very endearing, indeed. She’s grounded in spite of her huge success. Now, please, let me, for a minute or two, brag about her acting skills! Delivery, facial expression, body language… Perfect! She’s a natural. The camera loves her as well. She is such an effective actress. She is the next Angelina Jolie! She has the goods to make it and last in the business. Kristen Stewart is the next Big Thing! She's like a chameleon. She becomes her character; very believable.

Yes, she smokes. So what? She buys her own cigarettes, right? She’s young. She will mature. It’s going to be her choice to whether or not to quit one day. I can’t wait to see The Yellow Handkerchief and The Runaways… and of course, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn!

Robert Pattinson… Sigh… And just when I thought there’s nobody who can outdo Brad and Tom as vamps, comes this beautiful young man from Britain that made me, well, eat my words! I thought that Rob was the Perfect Vamp! The voice. The face. Even his smell! (Borrowing lines from Twilight—lol). I find him captivating! Effective! He is a talented young man. He has this charisma that commands attention. A great match to Kristen (Kristen’s Bella or Bella’s Kristen---lol). He compliments/complements his leading lady. I’ve seen clips of his up and coming movie, Remember Me, and I’ll agree with Kristen, he’s quite bold in this film. This young man is the next Brad Pitt. I believe that, whether or not you share my sentiment.

It could be that I’m blown away by Edward and Bella’s love story that Rob and Kristen’s portrayal convinced me that they are, indeed, who they’re playing in the movie/book. I get why fans go gaga over this couple. I get why RobSten was born. I get why there’s such great “market” for these two. I get why there’s so many all over the world who wish that Rob and Kris are in love in real life, just like Edward and Bella are in the book. I get it. I buy it. I live it (ask my husband, lol). The way they steal glances; the way they secretly smile at each other; consciously but subtly touch each other… Sweet torture! How they act ignites the curiosity of people to a level that’s undoubtedly unsettling! There’s a publication in London who’s soliciting pictures of Rob and Kris and they’re willing to pay! I get that, too! It’s wrong, totally. These people (paparazzi and tabloids, etc.) are vultures who feed on the weak! And I, as a fan, am weak! I’m weak because I would love to see Rob and Kris happy and in love! But by me wishing to see such photos of them mean aggravating their privacy! It’s not fair at all. It’s not right. Famous as they are, they are still human beings who need their life back after every success. So, I sit on my little corner in Connecticut, U.S.A., as I continue to admire Robert and Kristen; continue to wish and believe that they are, indeed, truly and madly in love (and faithfully, too, for that matter --- hey, it’s my wish, back off!); continue to pray for their little piece of heaven and for their forever! I continue to hope that I’d soon see Kristen accepting her BAFTA and Oscar’s Best Supporting Actress and/or Best Actress award… her speech heartfelt and tear-jerker, thanking everyone who made it possible, and dedicating it to her family and to her man, her only love, Rob! (Again, leave me alone, it’s my dream! Haha! Go blog about your own dream!).

“If you believe, you can move mountains.”

The Dance

The Dance
Original Poem By: Ofelia L. Crosby
July 15, 2009

The cool breeze touches me,
Teasing like love at dawn.
Its sound echoes words of passion
Take me, touch me, love me!

The moon peeps, a little shy,
Mocking the dark lonely sky.
I see its light dancing on my skin;
And the need explodes from within.

Darkness seems to cloak this secret
Not knowing whether to rejoice or regret.
Confused, it hides behind the beam of moonlight;
To the dance it surrenders without a fight.

Silence hums the rhythm to subside
Soothing the voices that lovers cried.
Sated, they swim freely with the tide;
Love was spent and sleep obliged.

The morning gentle rays came and linger
Forcing the shadow to hold the whimper
Love does make this life much brighter
Because love is the dance and you are my partner!

It Was Love

It Was Love
Ofelia Crosby
September 21, 2009

How do you measure or gauge one’s love to another?

How do you know when it’s love?

He told himself that it wasn’t love the first time he kissed her. The moment his lips touched hers he felt a certain tinge of delight in his heart. He couldn’t explain it but decided that it wasn’t love; not even close.

Her heart leapt and rejoiced when his lips finally touched hers. She knew she’s in trouble because she had allowed herself to feel too much. It was love, she was sure.

It still wasn’t love when their friendship grew, he was sure of that. He would call her just to hear her voice. Her sense of humor was welcoming and she made him laugh. He would find himself laughing at her joke or comments. It was a friendship he welcomed wholeheartedly.

She hated guessing but decided to be contented with what she has with him. The attention he was giving her was an attestation that she is important to him. She loved him and that made her sad in a way. As much as she’d like to express her devotion to him, she decided to suppress it because she wasn’t sure if he, too, feels the same.

He wondered why he wasn’t uncomfortable when she gave her the “look.” The look that tells a man he’s loved. When she glanced his way and saw the twinkle in her eyes, his body shivered and yet he felt warm inside. No, he wasn’t confused; it wasn’t love. It was a natural reaction, that’s all!

Such joy she felt as he held her stare then smiled. Words weren’t essential when they looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. The smile they shared assured them of their affection, she thought. She loved being in love with him and she was happy with that thought.

He liked her hair down. It crowned her face beautifully. It gave him pleasure to watch her tuck her hair impatiently every so often behind her ears, not aware of how much he wanted to do that himself; and when he did, he felt that it was his right to do so. Even then, he knew it wasn’t love.

She didn’t expect it. She shivered when he felt his fingers on her face as he put her hair behind her ear. She froze and didn’t know what to say, so she smiled. The glow she was radiating was something she couldn’t help. Love came and she was keeping it; even if it meant getting hurt. She loved him; nothing else mattered.

When they met he told her that he was engaged and will be married in six months. The time came to leave to fulfill his obligation to his fiancée. It was a promise he made to the woman he was going to marry, to her family and his. He couldn’t understand why he was the saddest person about to marry. He knew she’s been crying and it’s breaking his heart to pieces. It wasn’t love that’s doing this to him. It couldn’t be? He wasn’t supposed to love her but why, he asked, is it killing him to marry someone else and not her?

She put a brave face, smiled and said, “be happy.” The tears weren’t supposed to come. How she ended in his arms sobbing wasn’t planned; but, oh, how she welcomed the comfort being held by him. She might as well pour everything out, she said, but vowed never to tell him how she felt. She loved him too much and she didn’t want him to be responsible for how she felt. She was a grown woman; she could take care of herself.

A month and half passed since they saw each other last. He called her to tell her he was back. He couldn’t explain why he suddenly felt home upon hearing her voice. He had to see her. He had missed her and the only thing he wanted to do that moment was to hold her and kiss her. For the first time, he surrendered to his feelings and admitted he loved her. The realization, however, made him sad. He didn’t notice the tears on his face. He hadn’t wept for a long time; not over someone and definitely not over love.

She heard the doorbell rang and knew that it was him. Her hands were cold. She took a deep breath before opening the door. The smile on her face vanished when she saw him. “What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice nervous. He stared at her seriously. She wasn’t sure what happened but she was suddenly in his arms; him hugging her tightly close to him. He kissed her with such fervor that made her knees weak. No word was spoken. That night, love took over, its language was spoken.

Later, he said that he broke off his engagement; he broke up with his fiancée. It was a mutual decision, he said. She nodded and decided not to ask him questions. It wasn’t the time because she knew that he was hurt and confused. She loved him and she will take what he’s ready to give her.

It wasn’t love when he thought the worst of her. He believed lies told about her. Hell, he would take anything to relieve him from the trance he was in. His world seemed to revolve around her and he wasn’t comfortable about that. So, when the chance came to supposedly fix the problem, he took it! He chose to get angry at her and hoped that his feeling for her will go away. He has his reasons and he didn’t know how to deal with them.

She should be angry at him for choosing to go against her. It was love when she chose to forgive him then. It was the saddest moment of her life. She felt like a part of her died over and over. It was love when she decided to let go and to keep her distance; but she refused to do all that without confronting him. She mustered all her courage and went to see him. She was polite but precise. “I will not see you again but know that I never once thought of ever hurting you. Ever, because I love you.”

He was angry. Angry as hell! He’d never seen her hurt like that and it was he who did that to her. And yet, he thought that it was for the best. “It has to happen sooner or later,” he said. Once again he wept. He wept for a beautiful thing that will never be his.

She was sure that it wasn’t coincidence when the wife of his colleague happened to be in the same Café that she frequent the same time she was there. The woman doesn’t drink coffee; and the woman joined her without asking her.

“He’s leaving for good,” the woman told her flatly.

She was speechless. The world seemed to stop from spinning.

“He didn’t have to tell me but you were the reason why he was miserable and he was leaving.” The woman added.

She couldn’t trust herself to speak so she let the woman talk.

“We knew he was going to marry his girlfriend back home and we all thought that he will come back with his new wife when he returned. He came back alone and announced that he wasn’t going to get married after all.” The woman held her hands and smiled sadly. “I’m sure you don’t know why he can’t be with you.” There was a moment of silence. “He has to give up his job for you. He cannot marry a foreigner.”

The shock brought back a conversation she’d had with him once. He told her that he was chosen among a thousand applicants for the job. He worked hard for it and was proud to have gotten it! He had just started the job when she met him.

The woman saw the realization on her face. “You don’t want him to give up what he worked for all his life, do you?” The woman asked rhetorically.

She shook her head, afraid that if she talked, it would give away the agony she was feeling. “You love him?” She wanted to believe that it was a question rather than a statement. Of course it showed that she’s in love with him. Even a blind man would know she loves him with all her heart. “He doesn’t love me. You have nothing to worry about,” she said, her voice firm; her pride on the edge.

The woman smiled knowingly and told her, “You don’t believe that. Of course he loves you.”

Sadly, she shook her head.

The woman understood. She was in pain and she hoped she could say something to comfort her. “He loves you enough not to give you hope.”

He knew it’s not fair for her not to hear from him that he was leaving. “I’d rather have her hate me,” he told himself. “I’ve nothing to offer her.” So, he packed that day wasn’t sure whether to breathe or die; his heart was heavy as he zipped his suitcase.

He heard someone came in and found her standing before him when he looked up. His heart pounded and felt like something was choking it to death. How he loved her...

“The door’s open,” she said, her voice soft.

His heart screamed out her name, beating fast, wanted to run to her. He reached for her hands and squeezed them tightly. “Why do you have to come?” He asked without looking at her.

She held his hands and whispered, “I love you. Don’t ever forget.”

He pulled her to him and squeezed her tight; couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to say, “I love you… I love you…” over and over until he could be free from it; but he did not and just held her to him. He let the tears burst from his eyes and cried with her. “Always,” he mumbled between sobs. “Always!”

Eleven years passed…

He still thought of her. He sometimes wished that he’d hear from her. There was no communication after that day he left. He could still vividly remember her face, her voice… how she cried, how she loved him. There was no one else for him but her. No one will ever love him like that. No one! She came into his life and he let her go. Sometimes he wondered if what he gave her up for was worth it. He had climbed the steps of success. He’d achieved a status of contentment and stability in life; everything he’d worked for and wanted. And for eleven years he’d woken up wanting her; thinking of her still. It’s not fair for his wife and children; that, he knew perfectly well.

There was always a smile on her face when she thought of him. She had moved on and learned to deal with her heartache. Time and distance helped her ease the pain. She, too, left shortly after he did. Eleven years was a long time but she kept her memories of him in her heart.

It was love when she let go of the past. It was love when she welcomed a new man in her heart. It was love, she’s sure, when she married him.

He smiles amidst the pain thinking of her happy and married. He wants to be that man she married, but knows how impossible that sounds. He loves her then, now, and forever.

She goes to bed with her husband with a smile on her face thinking how good fate was making things work for the better. She thinks of him still but knows that he belongs to the past; he has no place in her present and future.

She kisses her husband and whispers, “I love you.”

(Will still edit--- thanks.)

Woman, You Are Free!

Crickets chirping in the silence of the night…

It's almost midnight...

This side of the world is lulled by the melody of darkness and sleep. Some are driving home from their weekend getaway. Others are watching the last few minutes of the Sunday night football game. And a few are lying immobile, staring at the ceiling, wondering... thinking... trying to figure out what went wrong. Although the pain is buried deeply, it hurts as if it only happened this very moment. Separation. Love lost. The end of a relationship. The beginning of bewilderment.

When the decision was made, you were sure that it was for the best. Love waned. Trust faded. Respect was flushed down the drain. There’s nothing to hold on for. In fact, it’s not fair for the kids to be the only reason to stay together. It’s not fair for them or for you both. So the process of weighing in the pros and cons, what’s right and wrong, and all other matters that needed to be considered was long and strenuous? Even that final moment when he finally packed his bags and drove off and you know he’s not coming home anymore was not easy. I know it killed you. You hugged your kids; told them it's going to be fine; assured them that it’s not their fault; promised them you and their dad will always love them no matter what. You meant it. Every word! In a way, you needed to reassure yourself. You needed to boost your confidence because when that happened, you died along with your vows you made on your wedding day!

You ended that chapter of your life. Another one began.

You woke up that first morning without him in the house. The silence was eerie and yet, for some reason, comforting. You have your life back. You have the future in your hands. Your heart was heavy but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There were things to be done. You got up with an undeniable strength and you didn’t dare question where it’s coming from. You were relieved as you and kids managed to laugh while having breakfast over some silly comments from your youngest. Afterwards, as if nothing changed, you dropped them to school; then proceeded to work. It was another day.

Supper was uneventful. No one dared mention where daddy was or when he’s coming home. For a second it worried you. You thought that the kids were afraid to ask questions. So you smiled and told them that daddy was coming to see them this weekend. They smiled in response. No question was asked. Your heart ached for them but you didn’t know how to handle the situation that very moment. So, you assured yourself that it’s going to be fine.

Midnight came and found yourself still awake. You reached for him as you always do when something’s bothering you only to realize that he’s not there anymore and will not be there for, perhaps, the rest of your life. Tears sprang from your eyes without you realizing it until you fell asleep.

You know it’s going to be tough. There will be days when it’s easier. You are brave to take your life back. You deserve another chance at life; a chance to turn things around for the better.

Perhaps tonight, you’ll lay awake staring at the ceiling, listening to the chirping of the crickets, staring at the ceiling… but this will soon be over. The pain will be mended. The situation will get better. You are a woman of courage; a woman of faith, a woman who believes in herself. You have chosen to brush off your weaknesses for good. This time is for you and your children. Another chance at love will come someday. Right now, you have things to do… Perhaps tomorrow night will be the beginning of a restful, peaceful sleep!

Crack of Dawn

Are you asleep? Are you awake?

When you find yourself staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of earth and the peaceful echo of silence… Yup! It’s the crack of dawn; when it’s no longer yesterday but it’s barely tomorrow. Once darkness succumbs, the many pangs of reality line up without invitation. The should-haves and the could-haves slap you on the face and regret sneaks in like a thief’s shadow. Bewilderment, realization and other emotions tucked in the deepest pocket of consciousness come knocking; even guilt lingers, mocking you.

Suddenly, you are one with everything about yourself. It’s the moment when you can scan your life’s many ups and downs; your achievements and your failures; your happiness and sadness… You cry, you laugh! You get angry, you rejoice! You get scared, you feel strong! Until that moment when you find yourself asking questions that you don’t have answers for swiftly rain on you. The need to take cover is a must! A cup of coffee is a good excuse. Once again you succeed in pushing aside the uncertainties; the “known unknown” pieces of your life; the “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there,” situation that you anticipate to happen…

You grab the remote and turn the TV on. Click. Click. Click. You channel surf, fighting the urge to think and to feel. Drowning in so many emotions isn’t something you want to indulge on. So you turn the TV off, heave a big sigh of relief, and swim through memory lane. You smile as you sip your coffee. You’re calm. You’re strong. You are who you are; and you are glad that in spite of the challenges that made you fall and cry; you’re able to get up and you continue to fight. You are doing just fine. Then, the emotions that you seldom allow to feel become your friends.

The first rays of sunshine burst in the horizon. In an automatic motion, you get up, hop in the shower, dress up, and your day begins. You don’t even notice how easily you’ve managed to drop your emotions. Like a robot, you go through the routine, the familiar daily events that occur day to day. Drive to work, beat the traffic, do your report, attend a meeting… Once again, you’re one of us...
Until the next time you wake up at the crack of dawn!

Written by: Ofelia L. Crosby, New Britain, Connecticut, U.S.A.