Crack of Dawn

Are you asleep? Are you awake?

When you find yourself staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of earth and the peaceful echo of silence… Yup! It’s the crack of dawn; when it’s no longer yesterday but it’s barely tomorrow. Once darkness succumbs, the many pangs of reality line up without invitation. The should-haves and the could-haves slap you on the face and regret sneaks in like a thief’s shadow. Bewilderment, realization and other emotions tucked in the deepest pocket of consciousness come knocking; even guilt lingers, mocking you.

Suddenly, you are one with everything about yourself. It’s the moment when you can scan your life’s many ups and downs; your achievements and your failures; your happiness and sadness… You cry, you laugh! You get angry, you rejoice! You get scared, you feel strong! Until that moment when you find yourself asking questions that you don’t have answers for swiftly rain on you. The need to take cover is a must! A cup of coffee is a good excuse. Once again you succeed in pushing aside the uncertainties; the “known unknown” pieces of your life; the “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there,” situation that you anticipate to happen…

You grab the remote and turn the TV on. Click. Click. Click. You channel surf, fighting the urge to think and to feel. Drowning in so many emotions isn’t something you want to indulge on. So you turn the TV off, heave a big sigh of relief, and swim through memory lane. You smile as you sip your coffee. You’re calm. You’re strong. You are who you are; and you are glad that in spite of the challenges that made you fall and cry; you’re able to get up and you continue to fight. You are doing just fine. Then, the emotions that you seldom allow to feel become your friends.

The first rays of sunshine burst in the horizon. In an automatic motion, you get up, hop in the shower, dress up, and your day begins. You don’t even notice how easily you’ve managed to drop your emotions. Like a robot, you go through the routine, the familiar daily events that occur day to day. Drive to work, beat the traffic, do your report, attend a meeting… Once again, you’re one of us...
Until the next time you wake up at the crack of dawn!

Written by: Ofelia L. Crosby, New Britain, Connecticut, U.S.A.